September 30, 2020

Review: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s & The Thing About Being A Bills Fan…

Review: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s & The Thing About Being A Bills Fan…

JFG Nation, the Mayweather-McGregor fight is over (thank you, Periscope and some random kid in Germany for letting me watch that fiasco for free). Baseball is racing towards the finish line…sort of. And my head is still spinning from the Cavs/Celts trade…which is…maybe not complete yet? (How does this happen, by the way? A trade is announced…and then one side is still looking for more in the deal? What the hell, man? WHAT’S THE POINT OF SHAKING HANDS AT ALL??)

Anyways, the NFL is basically here, and for the uninitiated: I am a Buffalo Bills fan. Why? Because I’m from Upstate New York, Nation. And Upstate (not Western) New Yorkers have a bond: Nick Tahous, Abbott’s Custard, La Nova wings, and suffering. Suffering through Buffalo Bills seasons.

Forget politics or hot takes or whatever Twitter is shrieking about for the moment: when I meet another Bills fan, it doesn’t matter if we are the two most different people in the world – there is a bond. A knowingness. A familiarity that makes you empathize and understand that person. Because being a Bills fan is ROUGH.

I grew up during the 90s Bills Super Bowls. I remember what it was like. I had my heart break four times as an adolescent, watched a carousel of QBs trample on that same heart since the mid 90’s, and watched as the Titans picked my heart up off the ground and put through a meat grinder. JP Losman. Marshawn Lynch. Peerless Price. These names stab at me like little orcs with spears.

Don’t come at me whining about your team. “Oh, my owner and GM don’t know what they’re doing.” We’ve had ten coaches since 1999! “Oh out defense is overpaid!” The Bills have had only TWO above .500 season is 17 years!!! “I hate that we make it to the playoffs and can never advance out of the first round!” EFF. YOU. “Our QB is Sam Bradford!” …ok, Vikes fans, you win that one.

Do you know what it’s like?! Do you know what it feels like to not make the playoffs for 17 seasons, the longest streak in the NFL?? Do you know what it’s like to see Marshawn Lynch make the Pro Bowl and then get sidelined by a bunch of BS until he was replaced by Fred Jackson and traded, only to light it up in Seattle? Do you know what it’s like to look at the schedule and see only three wins? (Sorry Jets but we’re beating you both times because of all the teams YOU STINK HACKENBERG IS YOUR QB YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME).

17 years is a long time to wait for any sort of success, and this year promises to be 18 straight. I’ve been here the whole time, before Rex, before Bills Mafia, before the Music City Miracle… excuse me while I sob silently in the corner.

But regardless, I’m looking forward to the NFL season. What about you? Let me know who your team is in the comments below, and what your outlook on the season is. Except for you, Pats fans. Sucks to your assmar.

Today’s junk food: Cookies & Screeem M&M’s!!

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Ah, Fall M&M flavors. Let’s go through them, shall we?

White Chocolate Candy Corn M&M’s …check

Pumpkin Spice M&M’s …check

Pumpkin Spice Latte M&M’s …check check

OOO the ever popular Pecan Pie M&M’s …checkity check

And of course, last year’s White BOO-tterscotch M&M’s. Check.

M&M’s loves Fall flavors, and now we have these – Cookies & Screeem. Why three Es? Because M&M’s knows we are simple folk and throwing an A on the end would just mess with everyone’s head.


WHY OR WHY NOT? I swear, when I opened and sniffed the bag, it smelled like Oreos. When I looked at the cross section of the larger than normal M&M, it looked like an Oreo. Dark chocolate outside, white chocolate inside. The combo, however, was extremely Oreo-like. There was a cocoa-ness to the overall chew that was unmistakably Oreo-flavored, and I definitely got the “slightly bitter dark chocolate sweetened by the white ‘creme’ chocolate” sensation that I get from Oreos. These were uncanny, and very very tasty. Oreos in M&M-form. Ridiculous.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? One point of criticism – why are these slightly larger M&M’s not more consistent when it comes to size and shape? Don’t you have a machine that makes these, Mars? UNIFORMITY, PLEASE.

PURCHASED AT: Target, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? By the registers.

COST? $3 on sale.



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